The Seventh Letter: Grayness

And I was completely unaware, so I never drank it. They have many, many secrets among themselves, and I cannot insert myself into that. I feel abandoned by them. After school, I deliberately sat in my seat, slowly packing my things, wanting to see if they would wait for me. Sure enough, they left without waiting for me.

The boy who hit me that day was not wrong; the one who is sick is indeed me. I cannot tolerate even the slightest contempt from others, not even a glance, whether intentional or unintentional, can make me feel as if I have fallen into hell. I fear being laughed at, I fear being disliked, I fear being excluded, I fear being isolated. I want to please everyone around me, yet I cannot let go of my pathological sense of self-esteem. I feel so tormented; living like this is exhausting. There is a psychologist at school, a very beautiful woman, who wears very high and slender high heels every day, looking like one of those... I want to please everyone around me, yet I cannot let go of my pathological sense of self-esteem. I feel so tormented; living like this is exhausting. There is a psychologist at school, a very beautiful woman, who wears very high and slender high heels every day, looking like one of those... a woman without much intellect. I instinctively reject such people and dare not interact with them. Moreover, if it were known that I went to see a psychologist, I would surely be laughed at.

What do they talk about on the way home? Do they talk about me? What would they say? That I am ridiculous, thinking they really considered me a friend? If that is the case, then I will not pay attention to them anymore. Before the relationship deteriorates, I am the one who leaves first; I am not the one who is abandoned. Deep down, I know that I might be overthinking it. I might lose a friendship because of this baseless speculation, but I just cannot control these thoughts. Before the relationship deteriorates, I am the one who leaves first; I am not the one who is abandoned. Deep down, I know that I might be overthinking it. I might lose a friendship because of this baseless speculation, but I just cannot control these thoughts

After the second class ended, I found them there again, but the boy I liked had already left. I was so thirsty that I couldn't stand it anymore, so I thought, forget it, let's just go for it, and I ran into the convenience store with my head down.

I did not expect to trip over the threshold when entering, and I fell. They burst into laughter.

I occasionally still encounter people I like, and they still prefer to appear in groups, but I have learned my lesson; I would rather go around an entire teaching building than appear in front of them. This way, I can avoid being looked down upon and ridiculed.

No one can stop this now, I got into a fight with him right at the entrance of the convenience store. He happened to have a bottle of cola in his hand, and he poured it over my head, looking down at me from above. At that moment, my heart was surprisingly calm

They are certainly not laughing at me for the first time! They must remember me! They are definitely thinking to themselves: Ah, isn't this the person who always sneaks by us?

What difference does it make to say it again? Can she save me? All she can do for me is offer some trivial comfort, which I do not need. How can I truly protect myself? Should I avoid contact with anyone and not hold any expectations of others, so that I won't get hurt? I truly envy those whose inner selves are as sunny as their outward appearances, who do not need to pretend, fake smiles, or flatter others, yet are liked by everyone. I want to be a normal person. I want to be a healthy person. I want to be a simple person. I truly envy those whose inner selves are as sunny as their outward appearances, who do not need to pretend, fake smiles, or flatter others, yet are liked by everyone. I want to be a normal person. I want to be a healthy person. I want to be a simple person. I want to take out my heart so that it feels nothing.

At the beginning of the school year, I made a few decent friends, but because we live in different directions, we part ways every time we leave school. One weekend, after returning to school, I found them discussing a newly opened milk tea shop, and that was when I learned that they go there every day to buy a cup of milk tea before heading home

Since that day, my temper has become increasingly peculiar. Whenever someone whispers in front of me, I feel a chill run down my spine, and I become uncomfortable, convinced that they must be talking about me. I muster the courage to greet others, and if they do not respond warmly or completely ignore me, I can feel disheartened for the entire day. A glance from the teacher or a gesture from a classmate leads me to speculate for a long time, wondering if I have become disliked again. I muster the courage to greet others, and if they do not respond warmly or completely ignore me, I can feel disheartened for the entire day. A glance from the teacher or a gesture from a classmate leads me to speculate for a long time, wondering if I have become disliked again

I felt my face flush with anger, determined not to let them look down on me. I clenched my fists and turned to one of the men, shouting, "What are you staring at, you lunatic!" He immediately got furious and retorted, "Are you out of your mind!" I glared at him fiercely and replied, "You are the one who's crazy!" He was visibly enraged, likely feeling humiliated, and attempted to come over and hit me, but was stopped by someone nearby who said, "What are you arguing with a girl for?" He then spat at my feet. I was about to explode with anger, so I charged at him and kicked him hard, saying, "You are the one who's crazy!" He was visibly enraged, likely feeling humiliated, and attempted to come over and hit me, but was stopped by someone nearby who said, "What are you arguing with a girl for?" He then spat at my feet. I was about to explode with anger, so I charged at him and kicked him hard.

Chuunibyou, or the "second-year syndrome," is something everyone experiences. Self-doubt and self-denial are essential lessons on the path to growth. All your extreme reactions are, in fact, manifestations of inferiority, which disguise themselves in various forms as they traverse our adolescence. If you cannot accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?

Reply from my future self ten years later

Perhaps they have long seen through my thoughts and know who I like among them. They laugh at my overestimation of myself, not even bothering to look in the mirror at their own faces. I understand that boys like them only show attentiveness to pretty girls and look down upon other girls.

Silly, you are not Renminbi, it is simply impossible for everyone to like you. Others have the right not to like you, and so do you; it is quite fair. Do not always place yourself in a position of judgment. No one can become a god, nor is anyone born guilty. We have not done anything wrong; perhaps we just have not lived in the way others wanted us to. But is it really the purpose of coming to this world to live for others? Alas, these truths can only be understood after enduring many wounds and walking a long, solitary path. We have not done anything wrong; perhaps we just have not lived in the way others wanted us to. But is it really the purpose of coming to this world to live for others? Alas, these truths can only be understood after enduring many wounds and walking a long, solitary path. No one can leap into the future all at once, escaping the bitterness and hardships of growth by chance. Everything will get better, darling; in this world, you are not the only one enduring this loneliness. You have too many thorns that have hurt you and those around you. Come, let us slowly remove them. It will be painful, it will be sad, but it will also get better. Endure a little, you must make yourself better. You have too many thorns that have hurt you and those around you. Come, let us slowly remove them. It will be painful, it will be sad, but it will also get better. Endure a little, you must make yourself better.

I feel as though I am unwell. It is not a physical ailment, but rather a psychological one. How should I put it? I feel somewhat fragile and overly sensitive. I constantly have the impression that others are speaking ill of me behind my back, and I feel as though the entire world is mocking me

However, I still couldn't resist. One evening during self-study, I asked the teacher for leave, falsely claiming I needed to go to the infirmary, and secretly slipped away to the comprehensive building. When I arrived at her office door and saw the light inside, I hoped she would suddenly open the door, see me, and pull me in. But I stood there for a long time, and no one came out, so I turned around and ran away

To my future self in ten years

Every time I pass by the group of boys I used to play with, I feel so uncomfortable, as if I am being slowly tormented by their scrutinizing gazes. After I walk away, they will surely discuss me, who just passed by.

Self-esteem often drags people along, causing love to take a winding path

What will they say about me? Will they say I am ugly? Will they say I have a big butt? Will they say my walking posture is unattractive? Will they say my face is as stiff as a mummy? I am simply going crazy, wishing I could find a hole in the ground to hide in. Later, there was an occasion when they formed a circle outside the convenience store, and to buy something, one had to pass through them. I hesitated for a long time and decided to endure it and not buy anything.

That day I was beaten badly, and many people came to watch. My head was buzzing, and the world was spinning. However, in the end, when my classmates came to pull me away and take me to the infirmary, I straightened my back and told myself to hold my head high and not let anyone look down on me

Sender: A Jiao, 14 years old, enjoys Jin Yong, dislikes Gu Long

In the second year of junior high, I developed a crush on a boy. He was not a particularly serious young man

It's about right; it took me exactly ten years to gradually get better. You must have seen a sensitive plant, right? A type of plant that is very sensitive; just a slight touch will cause its leaves to close up. You are neither ill nor psychologically twisted; you are just a small sensitive plant. Too sensitive, too timid, so you hide yourself away, wrapping yourself up. Learning to coexist with oneself is a very long process. The first step is to open your heart and find the gap within it. Too sensitive, too timid, so you hide yourself away, wrapping yourself up. Learning to coexist with oneself is a very long process. The first step is to open your heart and find the gap within it. Then you start to resist it, which is futile; being compliant is also useless; ignoring it will only make it come after you. Digging it out with flesh and blood, a piece of your heart will be missing.

Once, while I was doing my homework in the classroom, I was sitting in the front row. A few boys behind me were gathered together chatting and laughing loudly, to the point where I was about to break my pen. In the end, I couldn't hold back any longer and kicked my own desk, creating a loud noise, which made them fall silent immediately

After entering high school, I began to engage in guerrilla warfare and a tug-of-war with it. Whenever it got a little closer, I would run away, and after a while, I would take the initiative to provoke it again, gritting my teeth to endure the pain. I also tried to act very indifferent, avoiding contact with anyone, severing my connection with the world before others could isolate me. Over time, I found this to be quite meaningless and exhausting to maintain.